Happily Ever After?

by Camden Bennett

You’ve read the stories, you’ve seen the movies, you know the phrase. It’s that state of utopia that starts right after your wedding. You’ve planned it perfectly—flowers, food, family, friends and all the other frills that make your wedding day the most memorable occasion imaginable. You have a few special plans for your wedding night—can’t forget the wedding night—and then you’re off for an exotic honeymoon to some distant, or local, land. What could possibly follow but pure, wedded bliss?

This story began only eight, very short months ago for my wife and I. It was an outdoor wedding at a resort in the rugged foothills of the Rocky Mountains . Our ceremony took place at the edge of a wood, while green terraces fell away before us to a still pond tucked in amongst budding willows. Far below, a mountain lake glimmered from between its heavily-timbered shores, and high ridges rose above and around to shelter us from the outside world.

As my lovely bride arrived and drew near the aisle at her father’s side, silent snow began to fall through the still air like a blessing from heaven. We said our vows beneath a wooden gazebo, and a western style horse-drawn buggy whisked us away to a lakeside reception at the lodge. Two days later we were honeymooning on the beaches of Cancun , Mexico .

Now that’s a fairytale wedding, and you haven’t even heard about the proposal yet! But never mind that, let’s look a little further down the road. Here’s the scenario.

Two newlyweds return from their honeymoon, ready to begin their new life together. They are a match made in heaven, everyone says so, and everything’s been peachy so far. Not even a spat on the honeymoon.

Setting their luggage down in their new home, they gaze around, becoming accustomed to seeing this place as their very own. Their clothes are in the same wardrobe, their towels on the same rack. The toilet seat is somehow stuck permanently in the down position, and the bathroom cabinets and drawers are packed entirely too full of…stuff.

They gaze in wonder at one another, allowing their eyes to meet and linger. They are husband and wife, and they’re ready to embark on that lifelong journey called marriage. It’s a wonderfully amazing realization, but suddenly the same, silently burning question strikes them both at exactly the same instant. From behind the cover of enamored smiles, they are both left to wonder, “Now what?”

Ok, maybe this is a little exaggerated, but here’s my point. Marriage begins with a wedding that usually lasts less than 30 minutes. A reception usually follows to finish the day in fine style. This celebration is tradition, it’s part of life, it’s a joyous milestone and accomplishment, but it doesn’t last a lifetime.

A marriage does.

Or it should, anyway, based on those funny little words we all recite in one version or another during our vows. Traditionally, it sounds something like, “…’till death do us part.”

Odd thing is, the wedding usually gets the most prep time. Days, weeks, even months, are expended by brides-to-be, mothers, friends, relatives, wedding planners and, on rare occasions, grooms. I’m convinced that too many couples spend too little time actually preparing for the part of their lives that means the most. It’s the part that comes after the wedding. The part that lasts the longest.

The part that begins with “happily ever after.”

My wife and I took it seriously, and I’m glad we did. We read books, we did pre-marriage counseling with our pastor, we watched marriage seminars on video and we talked to older married couples with years of experience and plenty of good advice. A life-long commitment is something worth preparing for.

The intricacies of marriage aren’t something to be afraid of, they’re something to be aware of. It’s a wise move for a couple planning to be married to sit down and ask each other questions like, “How much money is too much to spend without discussing it?” and, “How many children do you want? You do want children, right?” Or even, “Are we going to open gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?” Talk about anything and everything—in-laws, intimacy, goals—it’s all good. Start some open communication early, and don’t ever let go of it.

Weddings are great, have a blast with yours, but just remember that the wedding will only take a relationship a day or two into marriage. Your honeymoon might cover another couple weeks. After that it’s another story, so take the time now to do everything you can to make sure it’s a happy one. Make it a life-long story that really is lived happily ever after.